Man's Houseplant Achieves Middle Management
Marguerite Fell, the business desk
A local ficus was promoted following a strong third quarter.
A ficus belonging to a local man has been promoted to middle management, effective immediately, following what supervisors described as an unusually strong third quarter.
The plant, which has not moved since 2019, was cited for consistency, discretion, and an ability to remain in the room during difficult conversations without contributing to them. Two human colleagues were passed over.
The ficus declined to be interviewed. Its owner said he was proud and, separately, that he has not watered it since June.
It never asked for anything. That is not nothing, in this economy.
regional director
As broadcast: FICUS PROMOTED, DECLINES INTERVIEW